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However you decide to address making time for your marriage, remember to be kind to each other and yourself. Allow the harder times to be an opportunity for you to grow closer, not further apart. Now make the best of it! Women are more self accepting and are more accepted in various arenas, such as the workforce, than ever. Not just here in this country, but in most parts of the world. Any significant change in men? Not a lot of change going on. Right now, I would look at it as playing more catch up with women than anything.

Why are men struggling to keep up with all of this change going on? There are a few possible reasons. A big one is that in our society we still look at expressing emotions and feeling as a weakness. Men feel a tremendous amount of pressure to maintain the role as provider and fearless protector. Most of us men were never modeled this from our parents and our fathers. Why do you need to be more emotionally sensitive or vulnerable? However, most of us men end up falling in love, thinking we have the perfect relationship, getting married, having kids, and then running into problems down the road. Taking control of the relationship As a therapist I see couples who are having relationship issues and there is one common dynamic 9 out of 10 times.

These are areas such as shared common interests and goals, and intimacy both physically and emotionally. This is hard change for the man, however. It takes coaching, patience, and vulnerability. Once I began to take some risks, both personally and inter-personally, and connecting with some male mentors my relationship with my wife changed in positive ways I could never imagine. I actually enjoy working with dysfunctional couples. I previously mentioned the obvious change in women across the last several decades and how it has changed relationships.

Part of that change is the empowerment of the individual woman. The strengthening of boundaries. This is all really important stuff.

So where is that a problem in relationships? Peanut butter and jelly. To forsake the man in the relationship and his needs is just as bad as the man withholding from the woman. To be fair, most women I see in couples counseling do not take this approach. It something, however, that can potentially undermine the empowerment of the relationship. Think of it like this. We seek others who tend to hold our viewpoints and when around those who we differ with we may refrain from intently listening to their Free casual sex in bellevue ky 41073. In conversation we formulate the words in our minds to refute what they are communicating while they are talking to us instead of listening to what they are saying.

Being right is justifying. It brings us worth and value. Feeling accepted, appreciated, and acknowledged are intrinsic human needs. Free to be themselves without judgement. We all want to fit in and we want to belong with something greater than ourselves. However, we tend to guard these parts of self as if they are part of who we are as individuals. We cling on to our believe systems as if it is who we are. Even more difficult to navigate is our communication with our children. That makes sense, right? How Free casual sex in bellevue ky 41073 is a child supposed to learn? Unfortunately for our parental urge to protect, the learning process for a child has a lot to do with their own experiences and learning from their mistakes.

As parents we can only do so much. This fact can lead us to feel vulnerable and anxious. We simply cannot hold our kids hands, nor can we force them to learn anything. They have to be willing to accept it. We know this is true as we were children and young adults once finding our way through life feeling out our own boundaries and self-identity. What does that mean? None of that matters unless we have the intention to Sluts in eye green and understand more and project less. Are we trying to make progress or be right? But do we really get what that means? Are you not feeling understood by your partner?

Scarlette johansen pussy yourself these things: Reasons of viewing self, or needs, as unworthy is common. Simply not knowing how to ask might also be contributing to the breakdown in communication. They can learn more about what you want them to know but only if you communicate your wants and needs to them. How are you communicating what you want? Is it in anger? Does your partner seem to get defensive easily? Communicating is one thing. You deserve to get what you need from your relationship. Your relationship deserves better openness.

Like many couples with marital issues, Jenn and Kyle have communication issues. Most of us have been passive aggressive in relationships. Here are some common ways that people in a relationship communicate passive aggressively: Bringing up the past Jenn is upset with Kyle coming home from work later and later. Jenn reminds Kyle that 2 months ago he lied to her about being out with his friends until 3am. The next day they talked about it and Kyle apologized recognizing his mistake. The problem with Jenn bringing this up again is that it has no bearing on what they are currently dealing with.

Instead of telling his wife he has missed spending time with her, he picks a fight over the missed calls. Withholding from your partner Jenn is still pissed at Kyle for having to cancel their dinner one night due to a work conflict. Instead of telling him she is upset, she has been withholding sex from him since that night they missed their dinner plans. She tries to express her feelings of being hurt by withholding her affection. Getting back at your partner Another way Kyle displays his passive aggressive nature is by imitating the behavior that he upset about. So why are we passive aggressive with our partners? Like most of our behaviors, acting out passive aggressively is a learned behavior.

Where does it come from? Families that keep secrets Learning from passive aggressive parents Feelings of unworthiness Feelings of shame and guilt Feeling righteous or being grandiose How to say what we really want to say This part takes a mutual understanding between both partners. It requires using healthy boundaries and respect. Agree that there is a problem with one or both of you have a problem being passive aggressive. Ditch the shame in admitting that you and or your partner can be passive aggressive. Listen to one another! Recognize that you have a right in your relationship to voice what you are thinking and feeling as long as you are respectful in doing so.

Refrain from using sarcasm. Like with any relational skill, learning how to be more upfront with your communication takes practice. So too does learning how to help a partner be less passive aggressive. Both partners have a responsibility. So say what you have to say. Listen to your partner. Ditch the sarcastic tendencies as it can be a communication killer. With a little effort and understanding you might discover closer and more intimate communication and closeness in your relationship. Communication breakdown Talking logically is how we prefer to interact.

Using our intellect allows to clearly and coherently express ourselves, communicating in the most efficient and courteous manner. What happens when we get angry, however, is a different story. Intellect and rational thinking usually get thrown out. There is nothing wrong with anger, or being angry. How well are we communicating our anger? Are we taking time to explain it in a way that makes a situation, or a relationship, better? Is the anger being used to inflict guilt or hurt on someone else? Or is it more productive if we use to it to heighten our own awareness or explain ourselves to the person we are talking to?

Anger is always going to be there. What we do with it is our decision. Moving beyond non-productive arguments For those people with kids, imagine this common scenario. We know that the solution exists in understanding our child, not yelling at them. The solution is not on the same level as the problem. We rise above the problem to see what is really going on because we are invested in the outcome, not the conflict itself. We have the ability to see that conflict is not a part of the solution. Anytime we are involved in an argument, we have choices to deal with it in rational ways and in emotional ways. Many times an argument tends to end up with two people on an emotional level projecting their emotions on the other.

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Neither are actually listening, they are simply kt of their next kyy. Our error in thinking when dealing with each other as adults, is to ignore or forget that we all have character defects and shortcomings that we bring to the interaction. Just be,levue children, we as adults may not know how to deal with certain situations, react to Fref in a constructive way, or we may not cashal certain ways of communication. I can think of several times leading a ih where men talk about how they did not learn how to express themselves Wife puts dildo in my ass their father was physically or emotionally absent.

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So what can we do? Remember we all have things to work on. This allows us to develop a greater capacity to understand and accept others. Simply put, we all have room to give ourselves and others more understanding, love, and compassion. Maybe it makes sense to start there. To be able to win that argument and get that last word in. You have just spent a tremendous amount of energy in arguing with your partner, or whoever it might be. If you were sitting in a boat with your partner and your words were poking holes in that boat, would you keep insisting to be right? Would you persist with the argument only to know that the boat would sink?

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